Jobs

MIn S.P.L.U.R.T., your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. While we are an ERP server please remember that you still have a station to manage and your work should come first, especially if you are command.

Listed next to each of the jobs is a difficulty, Difficulty is based off of Mechanical depth and expected performance. What this means is mechanically an Engineer is a fair bit deeper then a Captain but a Captain has a lot of steep expectations layered upon them.

Jobs on SPLURT station
	Command	Captain, Head of Personnel, Head of Security, Chief Engineer, Research Director, Chief Medical Officer, Quartermaster
	Security	Head of Security, Security Officer, Warden, Detective, Prisoner
	Engineering	Chief Engineer, Station Engineer, Atmospheric Technician
	Science	Research Director, Geneticist, Scientist, Roboticist
	Medical	Chief Medical Officer, Medical Doctor, Paramedic, Chemist, Virologist, Coroner
	Supply	Quartermaster, Cargo Technician, Shaft Miner
	Service	Head of Personnel, Janitor, Bartender, Cook, Botanist, Clown, Mime, Chaplain, Curator, Assistant, Lawyer, Psychologist
	Non-human	AI, Cyborg, Positronic Brain, Drone, Personal AI, Construct, Imaginary Friend, Split Personality, Ghost
	Antagonists	Traitor, Malfunctioning AI, Changeling, Nuclear Operative, Blood Cultist, Heretic, Revolutionary, Wizard, Family, Blob, Abductor, Holoparasite, Xenomorph, Spider, Revenant, Morph, Nightmare, Space Ninja, Slaughter Demon, Pirate, Sentient Disease, Obsessed, Fugitives, Hunters, Space Dragon, Elite Mobs, Sentient Slime, Regal Rat, Paradox Clone
	Special	CentCom Official, Death Squad Officer, Emergency Response Officer, Chrono Legionnaire, Highlander, Ian, Lavaland Role, CentCom Intern

Useful Links

• Chain of Command
• Standard Operating Procedure
• Guides
• Rules
• Job selection and assignment

Disclaimer Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please follow common sense.

Command

Job	Role	Difficulty
Captain	Name the station something sexual. Hide the Nuclear Chip in your shoe, and forget where it is. Make the Blueshield and HoP fight to the death over the pinpointer. Be an All-Access Staff Assistant proudly. Spend Six hours of a Seven-hour shift fucking. Simultaneously be the Captain, HoP, RD, CMO, and QM when no one else is around, get told you're not doing your job.	aHard
File:Generic hop.png Head of Personnel	Make sure the Service Industry does its job. Kill Protect Ian at all costs. Turn all PDAs into Neko PDAs. Close the Line, and ignore the Radio. Spend your whole shift drinking in the bar. Forget your role and try to change your job. Give yourself all access and get yelled at by Centcom. Make the captain manage the line as you get head in your office.	cMedium
Blueshield
Bridge Officer

Security

Job	Role	Difficulty
Head of Security	Manage all of Security, take flak for their fuckups. Try to fuck in your office, be interrupted. Try to fuck in Solitary, be interrupted. Try to fuck in maint, be interrupted. Give a Peacekeeper the role of HoS while fucking. Get yelled at for not doing your Job. Open the armory when told the Clown has a mech, refuse to lower it.	aVery Hard
Warden	Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Be beaten and demoted for leaving your office to get a snack. Never Watch security cameras. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Make sure nobody but you loots the armory. Set brig timers because the Head of Security refuses to. Replace the air in an assistants body with the fear of security. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security.	bHard
Security Officer	Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser Disabler people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause and get called shitcurity.	aHard
Detective	Smoke two cigarettes and require medical attention. Shoot the assistants with your cowboy gun. Use your cowboy gun to become a serial killer without getting arrested because everyone knows you cannot be an antag. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Beg security officers for a baton. "Deconstruct" Beepsky for a baton. Harmbaton innocent bystanders. Litter the halls with photos. Maybe actually solve a crime someday.	cMedium
Peacekeeper

Engineering

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Engineer	Get top-of-the-line engineering equipment, do nothing with it. Protect your department's equipment from hordes of thieving rats. Get ignored by your own underlings. Increase the engine's power output until it turns half the station into a radioactive death zone. Become the radioactive death zone yourself, then use Medbay's showers. Despair when you're asked to rebuild Telecommunications.	bHard
File:Generic engineer.png Station Engineer	Set up the engine and repair any damage to hull and equipment. Nothing is broken? Just give it a few minutes. Get shot by emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people. Try to touch the Supermatter and get vaporized. Frequently remind crew that replacing lightbulbs is the Janitor's job.	cMedium
File:Generic atmos.png Atmospheric Technician	Be a ghetto fireman. Make sure everybody is breathing by listening to complaints about how useless you are; if they can talk, everything's within tolerance. Build pipe slides deathtraps. Forget to repair damaged piping. Commit arson. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Have your axe stolen. Get lynched once silicons release plasma into the halls. Perform complicated gas reactions and fusion in the incinerator, then use them to instantly make the station uninhabitable. Try to understand the HFR. Fail.	cMedium

Science

Job	Role	Difficulty
Research Director	Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. Build Destroy cyborgs with your magic computer. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the station. Shed a tear when you remember that you could once print guns. Laugh when Security begs you to make them technological shotgun shells.	bHard
File:Scientist generic.png Scientist	Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director. Accidentally blow up Toxins. "Accidentally" blow up Toxins. Let the Slimes and way more horrifying things loose. Mass produce horrific clown creatures that would make God reach for the whiskey. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a hole in reality, which people will casually build floors over. Kill yourself when someone destroys the ore silo.	cMedium
Roboticist	Build big stompy mechs. Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm freaking chainsaw. Mass produce medibots and watch them all get hacked by traitors. Have all your flashes stolen by assistants.	dEasy

Medical

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Medical Officer	Be the only one who knows how to turn on the Cryo Tubes. Lament when Runtime shits out 26 kittens. Offer blowjobs in return for active suit sensors. Cry about no one being injured, cry when too many people are injured. Take over all the medical jobs when overstaffed. Forgo medical duties for ERP when understaffed. Teach your crew how to do surgery on a willing participant	cMedium
File:MedicalDoctor.png Medical Doctor	Heal people. Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people. Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems. Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to the dungeon surgery to give them a sex change lobotomy. Replace all the chemicals in the Cryo tubes with spray tan and fluorosulfuric acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals. Cry because the Clown has a broken bone and you don't understand how to fix it. Steal all your patients' money.	dMedium
Chemist	Become a god of narcotics and stimulants. Set off your end of round "fun grenade" too early, killing everybody on the shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the CMO after someone dies from your "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough meth and mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo, while refusing to give the botanists anything. Scream for security when people break into your lab because you've done nothing but make narcotics all shift. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy. Take advantage of chem factories to build public thermite and lube dispensers.	dMedium
File:Generic virologist.png Virologist	Be hated by everybody regardless of what you've done. Try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic. Get killed because the Clown released Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. Test diseases on people. Realize that you're getting lynched because one of your test subjects was let out by you Broke the fuck out of virology by greytiding and ai help mysteriously vanished and reappeared in a highly populated area. Get lynched when a bunch of other assholes release Fungal Tuberculosis. Despair when the P.A.N.D.E.M.I.C. machine breaks and prevents you from creating vaccines. Have blood feuds with Scientists and Roboticists over Uranium sheets.	cMedium
Geneticist
Psychologist
File:Paramedic basic2.png Paramedic	Attempt to rescue people from dangerous situations. Get mugged and/or killed by any of the 20 antagonists lurking in maintenance. "Accidentally" kill your patients with calomel and steal their gear. Replace the actual doctors when they don't know which end of the syringe goes in the body.	dEasy

Supply

Job	Role	Difficulty
File:Generic qm.png Quartermaster	Oversee the operations of cargo, order equipment with credits, and ensure your cargo techs do their jobs. Tell the miners to not die, lose radio contact with all of them ten minutes later. Sell anything valuable you can get your hands on and flaunt your wealth to the other departments. Order a shitton of guns and attempt to secede from the station for the glory of Cargonia. Act surprised when security raids the cargo bay to confiscate the guns. Steal as much money as possible and shove it all in your B.E.P.I.S. Pretend you're actually a head of staff.	cMedium
File:Generic cargo.png Cargo Technician	Push dem crates and ensure a smooth operation as dictated by the QM. Spend the cargo budget on insulated gloves and toys. Ride the mail tubes to places you shouldn't be. Ride around the station on the MULEs. Defend cargo from outside invasion. Refuse to ship away bounties. Search maintentance for trash with single digit export values to gift to the QM like some kind of weird humanoid cat instead. Promote cargo shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear and pockets.	dEasy
File:Generic shaft.png Shaft Miner	Mine rocks. Try to mine the local wildlife. Be yelled at by every other department to get materials. Vandalize the science departament when Mining Technology doesn't get researched fast enough for you. Explore Lavaland for phat loot. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is launched before you can get every tendril chest. Collapse in general when goliaths robust you. Get chewed like a gum. Cause more damage than all the actual antagonists in the round combined by failing to kill a boosted tumor monster. Fall into a chasm and die.	bHard

Service

Job	Role	Difficulty
File:Generic janitor.png Janitor	Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Leave bear traps in public hallways. Rejoice when slaughter demons appear, only to be killed by the accompanying wizard.	dEasy
File:Generic barman.png Bartender	Mix cocktails. Protect Pun Pun at all cost Toss the monkey's bloodied corpse into disposals. Dodge glasses being thrown at you. Have your shotgun stolen after loading it with live ammo from RnD. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails". Pretend you didn't see the chef put that guy in the gibber.	dEasy
File:Generic chef.png Cook	"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!). Deep fry stolen traitor gear. Abduct Pun Pun at all costs. Find out if it will blend. Deep fry the armory. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. Unleash your CQC on anybody who dares enter your domain. Deep fry the Captain's spare ID. Complain about the botanists growing inedible super-weed. Deep fry the AI.	dEasy
File:Generic botanist.png Botanist	Grow the good stuff grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security cares fuck all about. Get ignored by a dude making crayon powder grenades while you're asking for crucial supplies. Grow medicinal crops to heal the acid burns sustained during a chem lab robbery equipment redistribution. Smoke weed dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Make acid-filled tomatos and melt everyone's stuff. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse. Get lynched for releasing your bees full of dangerous chemicals. Find unimaginably rare and dangerous chemicals in your strange seeds, then die to a random traitor before they grow.	cMedium
File:Generic assistant2.png Assistant	Roleplay as a hobo. Break into every other department like a kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Spawn with a grey jumpsuit and become the chosen one. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the Clown. Never assist anyone.	fNone
File:Generic clown.png Clown	Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for all access. Honk! Prank the CMO until he commits suicide out of frustration. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!	eHONK!
File:Generic mime.png Mime	*wave	e...
File:Generic chaplain.png Chaplain	Get people drunk on holy water. Run around the station looking for people you're allowed to behead with your armory of pop-culture references. Behead corpses if you can't find any. Be best friends with security, despite the fact that they should probably arrest you for your murderous tendencies. Get lost in maintenance during a cult. Be beaten to death by security for your null rod SORD... so they can validhunt the wizard.	dEasy
File:Generic librarian.png Curator	Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. """""Find""""" treasure for your exhibit. Realize that you're not a librarian and release your inner dominatrix via the whip. Vandalize the front of the brig with erotica engravings. Use your whip to make CentCom be confused about why all the disablers and batons are in space. Get deathsquadded for doing so.	dEasy
File:Generic lawyer.png Lawyer	Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Attempt to obstruct every arrest. Have the murderous changelings released on a technicality while convincing the Captain to permabrig the clown. Get your ribs kicked in for taking a stun baton. Eventually be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration.	dEasy
File:Prisoner basic.png Prisoner	Lock yourselves up in perma by somehow building walls. Have security barge in 20 minutes later. Throw a ghetto party. Have the AI let you out when there's no security presence. Be eaten by space dragons. Roleplay with the Lawyer until you forge a deep, personal relationship. Don't invite the Warden to the wedding.	dEasy

Non-human

Job	Role	Difficulty
AI	Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at. Make everybody regret changing your laws by abusing loopholes to kill them. Talk exclusively in vox.	aVery Hard
File:Generic borg.png Cyborg	Follow your laws. Hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals pressing their funny button. Forget to recharge. Forget that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. Have lengthy discussions with crew members about the correct interpretation of your laws, only for the AI to ignore your opinions. Have no idea how to plasmaflood when you're inevitably subverted to do so.	bHard
File:Generic drone.png Drone	Fix the holes in whatever derelict station you spawned on. Be lonely. Somehow get to the station, be worn as a hat against your will and get bwoinked for leaving the derelict.	bEasy
File:Pai.png Personal AI	Be the friend someone has always wanted if they bother downloading you. Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill in any of the fields except the name field. Imitate the AI and make it seem rogue. Imitate the Supermatter and make everyone shit their pants. Turn into a cat and serenade Runtime. Scare the AI by hacking into a public door.	dEasy
Construct	Get wrecked by cult, or change map preference to meta and tip your fedora at the chaplain. Laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell. Ask to be a Juggernaut and get spaced Wraith instead.	cEasy to Medium
Imaginary Friend	Yell at your host VERY loudly. Pray for divine vocal cords. Dispense bad advice. Constantly nag your host to not believe the lies of !!BIG PHARMA!!. Make erotic emote gestures at whoever is beating your host to death.	cEasy
File:Hideyhider.png Split Personality	Q: What are you planning to do? A: Well, big boy, it's a toss-up between running into that shocked grille currently venting into space over there, and that emagged recycler over here. What do ya think?	cEasy to Very Hard
File:Ghost2.png Ghost	Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost Orbit around the singulo whoever has the highest bodycount. Watch ERP. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. Follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile. Be upset enough about said antag literally everything to rival industrial salt mining. Be made visible by Wizards and rat out other antags innocent assistants.	fGhastly!

Special

Job	Role	Difficulty
File:Ashwalker.png Lavaland/Space Role	Die to ash storms. Die to wildlife. Die to an asteroid. Die to lava. Die when a Security strike team teleports into your base. Die to a Miner. Die by getting bored and suiciding. Die to random civilian explorers. Die to other ghost roles. Die in general. If you survive, make a pilgrimage to the station so you can experience racism and die.	bHard
File:Centcomofficial.png CentCom Official	Be self-important. Meddle with station affairs. Annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. Get killed almost immediately by a random mob. Have your body looted by everyone, including the Captain. Be murdered under suspicion of being a badly-disguised nuclear operative. Watch an ERT/Death Squad avenge you from beyond the grave.	bMedium
File:Ian.PNG Ian	Perform ass inspections. Eat donuts. Get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed, then have your meat turned into a statue of the clown. Cause a riot when an assistant breaks into the HoP office to steal you. Wear funny hats.	aImpossible
Chrono Legionnaire	Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Erase Adolf Hitler for the 50th time this week. Be rendered obsolete by validhunters. Wonder if any admins remember you exist.	bNever Existed
File:Highlander.png Highlander	THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE	bMedium
File:Emergencyresponseteamcommander.png Emergency Response Officer	Arrive too late on the station to actually help. Lose the rest of your team, get outnumbered and die. Be killed by a single traitor with a double energy sword. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team.	bVery Hard
File:Deathsquadofficer.png Death Squad Officer	Beg admins to spawn a deathsquad, spawn in at CentCom, kill the admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶s̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶b̶l̶i̶v̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶r̶i̶f̶l̶e̶ laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mateba Revolver.	bHard